For Never and Never

Chima is not tall dark and handsome, he's more like tall, light and handsome and smart... he's brown eyes blend perfectly with his light skin.  He's the kind of guy you'll look at once and then keep stealing side glances at. 

And his voice.... wow! Creamy and silky with a bass undertone.  The kind of voice that you would love to keep listening to; the kind of voice that when he calls, you'd like to keep him online for as long as possible.

So here is my dilemma... Chima is married to Ada and I am married to Tunde.  Our families have an admirable friendship.  I think I am attracted to Chima. I don't know the point at which this switch from seeing him as a friend to someone desirable happened, but it did.   I can see you guys rolling your eyes at me and calling me an evil selfish horrible backstabbing friend ... Thanks a lot. 

I don't want Chima to know that I am attracted to him.  So I try to hide it as much as possible, I don't look him in the eye, handshakes don't linger... no hugs (not even side hug).  I don't call or text him, I don't visit Ada when he is home.  I don't visit without my husband when I know he is home.  I have all these rules in place to protect myself... cos he must not know I am attracted to him.

But recently, I started noticing some things; his eyes linger on me, he's smile lingers also... and sometimes I catch him staring at me with a longing I refuse to explain.  And one day he pulled me into an unexpected side hug that lingered longer than normal and the way he squeezed my shoulder.  I have tried to explain it away as my imagination, a deception born out of my own suppressed desire... or my obsession with ensuring he never finds out about my attraction to him. I fear that somehow, he has discovered my secret and I hear that when a man knows he is loved... it often draws out a desire in him too... is this true?

Regardless, I have decided that I wouldn't let my guards down... my secret will remain a secret.  He must never see my attraction to him. 

And then this happened…

I went to visit Ada after I called to ensure she was alone.  We were both at home enjoying a nice afternoon together when she got a call to pick up something she had ordered.  Her son was sleeping and she didn't want to wake him up so she asked me to stay at home with him until she got back... it wasn't a long distance trip.  I agreed.

A few minutes after she left, little Nathan woke up and I went to pick him up, brought him into the living room to play with him.  Then I heard a knock on the door.   When I looked through the window,  my heart did a thousand flips.  I put my hand on my chest and said "Al iz well' three times before I opened the door for Chima. 

"Hey! How are you doing" I said

"I'm doing great, thank you" he replied.

This wasn't happening! 'Act Normal' I kept repeating to myself. 

"Where is Ada?"

"She quickly stepped out to pick up something"

"Ok"

He picked up Nathan and started playing with him... another part of him I admired so much... he was such a child with his son.  I sat watching Nathan as he giggled.

Then he dropped him on my laps and went into their bedroom.  I didn't know I was holding my breath until he left.  I let out a long sigh and looked at Nathan... "daddy isn't supposed to be home now" I whispered to him.  He looked at me with a questioning look as if trying to decipher what I was talking about.

I put Nathan on his play mat and walked to the mirror hanging on the wall to check if everything was in place.  As I stood there,  Chima came out of the bedroom and stood behind me, I looked at him through his reflection in the mirror and He had that look... so intense I thought I'd melt.  In that instant I knew..  that he knew...

"You are so beautiful" he whispered.

I acted like I did not hear him

"I know what you are hiding from me Yemi" He said. Oh! The way he said my name...

"I don't know what you are talking about" I said feigning ignorance and averting my eyes.

"It's the reason you wouldn't look me in the eye, or visit alone when I'm around, or even hug me.  I know you are attracted to me".

I sighed and turned around to face him. 

"Am I right"? He asked.

I nodded.

He smiled... "you know I am attracted to you too".

"I guessed as much".  I replied.

"So what are we going to do about it?" He asked.

"Nothing Chima, We are going to do nothing about it.  I love my husband... and I know you love Ada and I will not leave my husband... neither will you leave Ada.  Having an affair with you is unthinkable...."This" ...I gestured to both of us... "is a glitch in time that we will soon forget about. Besides, I know Ada has been praying some dangerous prayers for you… I'd hate to be on the receiving end of those prayers" I said chuckling

He laughed and laughing helped ease the tension between us until we both stopped and just stared at each other

"You are so amazing Yemi" he said.  Your smile, your laughter, even the way you avoid me is cute and you are so smart" he smiled.

"I am pretty sure Ada is all of this and more Chima... Look, people that are not around make very few mistakes and are usually the most admirable. I bet if we spent one week together, you'd see that I'm not so perfect after all and those things you admire most about me will begin to look just normal and may even begin to irritate you"

"You are right" he sighed. 

He kept looking at me and I shifted uncomfortably.  There was no need to hide anymore.  I reached out and took his hand.  He pulled me into a full hug and held on to me so tightly like his life depended on it.  I could hear his heartbeat as I rested my head on his chest... I knew it was beating for me.  I don't know how long we stayed like that... but I did not want it to end.

He pulled away and put his hands on my shoulder.  I could tell he was fighting the emotions raging through him and I was having my own fair share of fighting.  Suddenly he pulled me closer and planted a quick kiss on my lips that sent electricity down my spine. 

He let me go and put his hands in his pocket, cleared his throat and said "I'm going for a walk".  He's voice still sounded shaky.

I nodded.  He took one last look at me and walked out of the door.

I let out a long breath... I knew that God had done a miracle for both of us at that moment of our weakness; Ada's prayers must have been working.

Nathan had been watching us all along... and when Chima left, I knelt beside him and said "Don't tell mummy about this Ok?" He smiled at me and put his little hand on my cheeks and I knew that our secret was forever safe.