Every time I pictured this moment, I always
wondered what would be on my mind. This
fascination always made me stare intently at other brides I had seen take the
walk. I mean, their minds could not be
blank during that long walk; they had to be thinking of something.
I stood at the door, watching as everyone
tried to arrange my train; I only had a little bride and ring bearer. I have always had a soft spot for little
brides, maybe because I had done several in my tender age, but every time I saw
this moment, I only saw a little bride.
Her dress matched mine except for the yellow wings she had and a halo on
her head, she looked just like I had pictured her in my many fantasies.
As the organ began to play the hymn “Lord give us Christian Homes”, to usher
me in, I started my journey down the aisle.
I thought I’d be thinking of how beautiful I looked and how green with
jealousy all the ladies around me would be.
I had imagined my heels breaking in the middle of the aisle, missing a
step and falling flat on my little bride and dragging my dad to the floor too
(poor old man). I’d thought I’d be
worrying about making a huge mistake with my decision. I had even imagined myself getting scared and
running out of the church screaming for my mummy. I thought I would be thinking about the fact
that I was giving myself to a man and would have to take care of him for the rest
of my life, and how my life would no longer be mine.
But I was surprised because my thoughts
were far from these, instead, with every step I took, the picture of every guy
I had met in my life flashed before my eyes.
All the guys I had been in love with, the ones I dated, the ones I had
not dated, the ones who broke my heart and the ones whose heart I shattered,
the crushes and the flirts. One after
the other, I saw all of them and each scene played in my head; the pain I felt
after each heart break, the foolish things I had done to get their attention, the
ache that followed after each rejection.
I felt all these emotions at the same time, I relived all of them. The struggle to let go of the guy I thought
was my life and my world, the pursuit of what I thought was the best thing for
me. Like a slide show, I saw everything
flash through my mind.
I thought I’d faint from all the rush of
emotions. Just then I looked straight
ahead and saw him, my knight in shining tuxedo.
He smiled that smile and all the negative emotions dissipated. His smile felt like cold water in the hot
summer, his love washed over me, I could literarily feel it drip from the crown
of my head to the sole of my feet. It
felt like an electrical surge flowing through my veins, pumping into me
strength and courage.
Suddenly I felt the strong urge to go on my
knees and thank God for not making all others work out. The aisle looked like a tunnel and my Knight
looked like a light at the end of the tunnel.
All other memories of every other guy faded into the shadows of his Love.
I was tempted to look in the crowd and
search for the faces of the guys who had walked away from me (if they dared to
show up) and whisper a thank you to them (actually the initial thought was to
stick out my tongue in their faces). As
painful as it was, truth is if they had not left me (or if I had not left them
as the case may be) my Knight would not have found me, if I had not felt the
pain of heartbreak, I would never have known what real love felt like. Tears threatened to fall but I had to pull
myself together lest I incur the wrath of my makeup artist.
When we reached the altar and my dad placed
my hand in the hands of my Knight, he gently squeezed them and looked straight
into my eyes and like the days leading to this moment, I read his unspoken
words… the feeling was mutual.
“I do”
I could not imagine myself saying that to
any other man. His love had been a
healing balm to my wounds and though I knew this journey we were about to begin
would have its ups and downs, I was assured that we would pull through together
just as long as he was beside me… his presence was all the confidence I needed.
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride”
He gently unveiled my face and as our lips
met, the tears spilled. I was
overwhelmed with joy. When we turned to
face the congregation, I silently whispered a heartfelt prayer to God for the
pain in the wait, for it was worth it…
It was in that time my Knight found me.
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