Monday, November 12, 2012

Knight in Shinning Tuxedo


Every time I pictured this moment, I always wondered what would be on my mind.  This fascination always made me stare intently at other brides I had seen take the walk.   I mean, their minds could not be blank during that long walk; they had to be thinking of something.

I stood at the door, watching as everyone tried to arrange my train; I only had a little bride and ring bearer.  I have always had a soft spot for little brides, maybe because I had done several in my tender age, but every time I saw this moment, I only saw a little bride.  Her dress matched mine except for the yellow wings she had and a halo on her head, she looked just like I had pictured her in my many fantasies.

As the organ began to play the hymn “Lord give us Christian Homes”, to usher me in, I started my journey down the aisle.   I thought I’d be thinking of how beautiful I looked and how green with jealousy all the ladies around me would be.  I had imagined my heels breaking in the middle of the aisle, missing a step and falling flat on my little bride and dragging my dad to the floor too (poor old man).  I’d thought I’d be worrying about making a huge mistake with my decision.  I had even imagined myself getting scared and running out of the church screaming for my mummy.  I thought I would be thinking about the fact that I was giving myself to a man and would have to take care of him for the rest of my life, and how my life would no longer be mine.

But I was surprised because my thoughts were far from these, instead, with every step I took, the picture of every guy I had met in my life flashed before my eyes.  All the guys I had been in love with, the ones I dated, the ones I had not dated, the ones who broke my heart and the ones whose heart I shattered, the crushes and the flirts.  One after the other, I saw all of them and each scene played in my head; the pain I felt after each heart break, the foolish things I had done to get their attention, the ache that followed after each rejection.  I felt all these emotions at the same time, I relived all of them.  The struggle to let go of the guy I thought was my life and my world, the pursuit of what I thought was the best thing for me.  Like a slide show, I saw everything flash through my mind.

I thought I’d faint from all the rush of emotions.  Just then I looked straight ahead and saw him, my knight in shining tuxedo.  He smiled that smile and all the negative emotions dissipated.  His smile felt like cold water in the hot summer, his love washed over me, I could literarily feel it drip from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet.  It felt like an electrical surge flowing through my veins, pumping into me strength and courage.   

Suddenly I felt the strong urge to go on my knees and thank God for not making all others work out.  The aisle looked like a tunnel and my Knight looked like a light at the end of the tunnel.  All other memories of every other guy faded into the shadows of his Love. 

I was tempted to look in the crowd and search for the faces of the guys who had walked away from me (if they dared to show up) and whisper a thank you to them (actually the initial thought was to stick out my tongue in their faces).  As painful as it was, truth is if they had not left me (or if I had not left them as the case may be) my Knight would not have found me, if I had not felt the pain of heartbreak, I would never have known what real love felt like.  Tears threatened to fall but I had to pull myself together lest I incur the wrath of my makeup artist.

When we reached the altar and my dad placed my hand in the hands of my Knight, he gently squeezed them and looked straight into my eyes and like the days leading to this moment, I read his unspoken words… the feeling was mutual.

“I do”

I could not imagine myself saying that to any other man.  His love had been a healing balm to my wounds and though I knew this journey we were about to begin would have its ups and downs, I was assured that we would pull through together just as long as he was beside me… his presence was all the confidence I needed.

“I now pronounce you man and wife.  You may kiss your bride”
He gently unveiled my face and as our lips met, the tears spilled.  I was overwhelmed with joy.  When we turned to face the congregation, I silently whispered a heartfelt prayer to God for the pain in the wait, for it was worth it…

It was in that time my Knight found me.





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