I CAN’T STOP LOVING YOU… IT’S MY NATURE

I felt the pull but didn’t resist, like a cow pulled for slaughter, I followed willingly. I felt your nudge in my heart, willing me to run, to look the other way, but the seductions of sin had enveloped my entire being. My hands were wrapped around it, suddenly, the world disappeared. The pleasure of sin filled my being and I let it have all of me, at that point, nothing mattered, not even your gentle nudge.

When all was said and done and I had had my fill of the pleasures… within a few seconds… the reality of what I had done dawned on me, the world became real and I was stripped of my dignity. I was naked with shame and guilt, I could see the devil himself laughing at me and the pleasure I had enjoyed mocking me. All I wanted to do was run, open the ground and will it to swallow me. I remembered how I had promised never to fall for the seductions of the devil anymore, I had made that promise to God a thousand times and every time, I found myself falling again and again. I felt so ashamed of myself… where was the voice that urged me on to sin, the voice that told me it wasn’t wrong, the voice that seduced me… it had turned and mocked me. I wonder why I kept falling for it every time…

Just then, I felt the gentle touch of the Sweet Spirit of God nudging me to run into the arms of God, willing me to accept the forgiveness he offers…. But I refused. I screamed at God to leave me alone, to stop loving me. I asked him why he would keep loving me when I kept disappointing him, I kept making him cry and my constant return to sin made a mockery of the sacrifice he made on the cross. I told him to stop loving me because his love was too pure to be wasted on a hell bent soul like mine. But the Lord kept willing me into his arms, but I held back and screamed at him to leave me alone, that I didn’t want his forgiveness because I knew that the next time I hear that seductive voice, I’ll give in and keep giving in, I was too weak to fight it.

With my heart shut against the love and forgiveness of my father, I drifted into sleep, half expecting him to speak to me in my dream. When the morning dawned and the birds sang their morning praises to the father, I woke up without a message from him in my sleep so I assumed he had heard me and finally left me alone. But as I stepped out of my house to begin my day, a beautiful rainbow across the sky greeted me. I couldn’t ignore it, the message was clear “I am still offering you love my child” I could hear God say to me. Even though the message was clear, I resisted and looked away…. God can’t keep loving me after all I kept doing, I was even too weak to resist a simple temptation. Surely, God is only interested in people that are strong and hot for him, those that can look temptation in the face and dispel its seductions with their voice. I was too weak. Even when he provided a way of escape from the temptation… I was too weak to see it.

I got to work and put all thoughts of God’s love and the rainbow behind me, ready to tackle the work for the day. A friend buzzed me on Yahoo Mesenger… she was in trouble. She had returned to a habit she had promised to stop, she was scared to tell me because she thought I’d be upset. Sure, I was upset, but she was still my friend right! I had to be there for her and help her through it all. Just then she asked me a question…

“Do you still love me”

Without thinking, I replied “ Of course I do, why will you think like that?”

Then she said “Why?”

“Cos ur my friend and no matter what you do, we’ll always be friends… I may get upset, but I’ll always be your friend”

Just then, it struck me… God was still trying to get my attention. I thought about it, I really still loved my friend, no matter what she did…. I may be upset, but I’d never stop loving her. Just then God said to me “If you being human can love your friend so unconditionally, how much more me… I made you, I created you… You are mine. No matter what you do, you will always be mine and I can NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. I may get upset, you may make me sad, but I can never stop loving you… I am LOVE, its my nature and I CANNOT deny my nature. I love you my Child, you will break my heart if you run from me, I want you in my arms. When you fall, my arms will always be open to receive you… no matter how far you go from me, I will always be ready to take you back. And if ever you get lost and can’t find your way back, seat and wait for me, I’ll come and find you… cos YOU ARE MY CHILD AND NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT” Your weakness dosen't bother me... it's your running that bothers me. Come to me my child, let me love you unto perfection.

I had tears in my eyes, my friend didn’t know how much God had used her to reach me… I took a moment to run into my father’s arms and further extended his love to my friend. God’s Love makes it very difficult to sin… but when we do, he’s always ready to take us back. What love can be greater than this… even the love I had for my friend could not compare to this LOVE even though I had learnt to love that way from God himself.

Thank you dear Lord for loving me so much… i know your grace will always be there to keep me from falling, but when I do, I know your arms will always be open to receive me again.