The Dance

Adorned in white and glowing in glory

I danced with my saviour

Swirling and dipping in his Love

I moved with grace

And was lost in His eyes.

It was the dance of Salvation

I didn’t notice the evil that lurked in the corner

The eyes of Jealousy that feasted on me

For he had sworn to get me out of the arms of salvation

Back into his arms where I can bask

In all the selfish desires he offered me

From the corner of my eye, I saw him

Beckoning on me with desires I thought were long dead

I felt drawn to him and my feet moved

Until I was in his arms

his dance was different

It left me in pain and deep sorrow

I thought will never disappear

But I ran back to the arms of the Lord

And His gentle ways and love

Dispelled the darkness in me

Not long after I was back in the arms

Of the one who had sworn to destroy me

I could not understand why I kept returning

It was like a pull I could not resist

I did not understand why I kept returning

Into the arms of one who hurts me

Each time I swirled back into the arms of Love

I saw in His eyes

The longing for me to stay and be strong

And yet again, I always broke His heart

And returned into the arms of the enemy

But every time I returned to Love

He took me back

And the dance was always more beautiful

More precious, More Loving

Urging me to stay

But I kept returning and I didn’t know why

Now I am dancing with my Love again

I can see in His eyes

That He knows I will leave again

To dance with the devil

But I see no condemnation there

I only see a plea

I see love

I fear that if I go now

I would never return
I cannot watch Him every time I leave

Heartbroken, sorrowful and in tears

I didn’t want to go

I could not keep breaking His heart

I leaned into Him and said

“Lord pls never let me go
I am weak and I know I will return
Into the arms of evil

Lend me your strength Lord

I cannot resist this on my own”

The Lord changed His position

One swirl turned me away from the devil

I no longer had to see the face of evil

I only looked into the face of my Lord

His grip on my hands became stronger

Our dance had changed

It was the dance of deliverance.

He came back!

Sunday Afternoon

One of those days you just want to hide away in the house, lay on your bed and do nothing… or maybe read your favorite book.  Yeah, that's the state I was… with my favorite book written by my favorite author - Francine Rivers.

'knock knock knock'

I cringed inwardly, my first thought was to totally ignore the person.  It would have been better if I didn't have to stand up to open the gate myself, but I had to.

'Knock Knock Knock'

This person was persistent.

There goes my afternoon alone.  I walked sadly to the gate, half praying it was someone worth the sacrifice.  When I opened the gate, I was greeted with His smile.  There before my eyes stood my friendly stranger, as gorgeous as I remembered him the first time we met years

ago.  I wasn't sure what to do… Jump on Him, Hug Him?  I just stood there smiling dumbly.

"You have a penchant for making unannounced visits" I finally said

"It's my style" He said

"May I come in?"

"Sure" I said suddenly remembering my manners.

We walked into the house lost in our individual thoughts.  Moments we shared 2 years ago played in my head.  I had thought he was an angel, but do angels visit twice?  I tried stifling my disappointment that He wasn't an angel after all.

We sat down and for a couple of minutes just looked at each other. I was waiting to hear what message he had brought me this time.  As far as I knew, everything was perfect for me, God had answered almost all my prayers.

He broke the silence

"How are you?"

"I'm great" I said smiling

"I hear your dreams have come true, you now work with children?"

"Are you stalking me?" I asked

He smiled. "How are you enjoying your new job?"

"It's  awesome" I said " I get to spend the whole day with children, be myself all day without anyone judging me"

" You don't take long walks anymore?  I haven't seen you on that path for a while" He asked

"Nah, I get back really late so I just take a bike"

"And you leave the house when"?

"Very very early"

"So you barely have time for anything else?"

"Yeah, I am so busy now I barely have time for myself. I'm out so early and get back late at night. I ….." my voice trailed off as a sudden realization hit me… He was drawing me to something.  I looked at Him and just then He looked so sad.

"You have forgotten me" He said in a very soft whisper

"I made your dreams come true. I gave you what you desired most,  your deepest heart cry I gave to you on a platter of gold, but it has taken you away from me.  Those long walks you used to take, when we would talk and you would sing to me songs no one had ever heard… I loved them, I looked forward to them."

'I'm so sorry" I whispered

"I came just to hear you speak to me. You are my desire, I am very passionate about you"   I Love to see you happy and content,  but don't let my gift be the reason you drift away from Me.  I gave you to draw you closer to myself,  not the pull you away.

He stood up and walked up to me "Stand up"

I stood before Him, ashamed of myself, of my actions ever since I got the job.

He pulled me into a hug. I relaxed on Him and whispered in His ears "I am so sorry"

"You are forgiven my love"

We sat down and he asked me to tell Him all about my new job.  We talked and laughed for hours, time seemed not to matter.

"Thank you, for making my dreams come true"  I said

"Thank you for bringing me great joy" He said.

He stood up to leave.  I didn't ask Him to stay, I didn't ask when I would see Him again.  I knew that I would see Him every day, and we would talk every day.  He never really left me, and even though He didn't say who He was, I knew that my friendly stranger wasn't a stranger at all,  neither was He an angel..  but my Lord, my Love, my Saviour… My Jesus.

To my future daughter

Dear Daughter,

we haven't met but i have the strangest feeling that you know me.

I look forward to meeting you someday and holding you in my arms. I have a name for you already but i will keep it as a secret and look forward to the smile on your beautiful face when i whisper it in your ears.

I look forward to looking at your face and seeing a reflection of me in your smile and laughter.

I look forward to the days when you'll start walking and we'll play catch me if you can in our living room.

I hope when you say your first words it will be mama because that would be a huge reward for me after carrying you for 9 months.

i can't wait to see the look on your father's face each time he holds you in his arms, i know he'll love you a lot because I'll never marry a man who would treat u badly.

i look forward to the days when you'll be a teenager and you can gist me about all your crushes and new lines guys use to toast ladies in your time and I'll tell you what they used in my time, I'll even tell you how your dad toasted me and we'll laugh and promise to never tell your dad.

I can't wait to tell you about a man who loved you first and would always love you, who gave his life for you and would do it again if he had a chance. i know you would have met him in heaven, but loving him down here is different. By the way, say hi to Jesus for me while you are there and thank God for giving me a gift like you.

The world is full of evil my love but do not be afraid because I'll be right there beside you when you need a shoulder to cry on. Through all the heart breaks and failures, I'll hold your hand, and embrace you.

i promise to never throw negative words at you, i promise to always tell you how great you are and that you can be anything you want to be. I'll give you courage to walk the paths God has destined for you and celebrate every milestone you make.

i will allow you make your own mistakes and learn from them, no matter how tempted i am to shield you, i will let you live and only step in when i absolutely need to. i hope you will make me your best friend and we can discuss over a cup of Chapman and juice all your challenges and worries.

I look forward to watching you walk to the altar with a man who loves you dearly. I will quiz him, be sure of that and i know your dad would not spare him too, but be sure that we only want the best for you.

...and when you have your own kids, i hope i would have been i good example to you.

I Love you dearly, even though we haven't met, i feel a deep connection to you already... someday love, you'll be in my arms.... someday.

i need to write to your little brother too...

see you soon.

Love

Mummy